Sin Of Solitude.

Beginning,to begin with the time when the time had just began. When a small mass of globular high energy molecules had become to much of its solitude. When it had to burst somewhere. Burst to give life to the beginning of the time. To the time, when time had just got to began.

 

Some might find it almost scientific,true to its form. Almost that it had all begun with a bang. But has anyone ever considered for it to be an energy that was being constituted even before the time was born? Do we? Should we?. Or was I some at the spurt of the moment "big bang".

 

Solitude has been present even before time has had a chance to cry its first cry. And it will be till the end of time. Its how we have evolved from being a single cell unit to the invincible machine man.

 

For some solitude is addictive. Needing a kick more stronger than the previous,no matter how high the dosage. They travel roads unknown,lands unseen,oceans so deep only for another kick of this narcotic which is undetectable with even thousands of forensic test. For others its a phase of life. An aura of trance. A happy place to be. Where no reality strikes. Where happy or comfortable are the same. Where withdrawal is almost life changing,threatening even.

 

Lets just take a minute to ask ourselves everyday, if we are really happy or just addicted to the comfort solitude has promised us of?

 

Longing To Be.

Sana had longed to live. Her longing to be alive had crept into her when she had been a toddler,when she had bade farewell to her father travelling off to another camp. To another mission,to be alive,for his country.

 

She would have to put off those thoughts when she told her mother about her wishes go travel off to some distant land, who in turn told her, what her father did was a man's job and no woman would dream of doing that.

 

 Well, it was 1988 what more would explain her mother's opinion on her daughter's whimsical dreams of travelling to any distant land like her father.

 

However in 1995,tables had turn. Sana married off to another military official had a beautiful,cute as button daughter as a widow after her husband had been killed in an secret mission in the deserts of Rajasthan.

 

Her longing to live as whimsical dream has still not lost its fire. At an age of 49 she had for the first time lived as her daughter enrolled in for the service of army.

 

Times and eras hence,she didn't long to live. Not now.

 

 

Eye Of The Prism

 

"When would be the right time to flee?"

With a never fearing conviction,asked she.

"Whatever it might be",answered he,

"as long as we are WE".

With a new youth and soul full of exuberance,

That marked their private state of trance,

With them being seen in an aura of passion,

The world,in all its sadism didn't fill up in compassion.

"It has to be ended", screamed the heads of this sadism.

All the lovers could do was liberate their souls of themselves.

For the light the liberated still colours the world,

With the eye of the prism.

 

Review: Kite runner

Well. As they say, "Books are one's best friend". Believe it or not they are. And they will be.

I was just watching a show on the idiot box were I came across a really beautiful poem recited and written by, the very well known ,Gulzar shahab.

And one of its beautiful lines has prompted me to write a review such as this one,for one of the book that I have had come across recently.

Title: Kite Runner

Author: Khaled hosseini

Kite runner is a story of war stricken Afghanistan. And how it has changed the life of two children. Amir and Hassan,former a son of a very élite and respectable man in his country popularly known as Mr. Hurricane and latter a son of a lower caste servant who has been serving Amir's family from the generation of his grandfather.

There are lots of twist and turns as Amir and Hassan's relationship as more like brothers changes to mere acquaintances to a point where they don't even see other for years altogether.

This is where the on going war in the country changes all the social taboos where Amir and his father flee the state to a more peaceful environment.They found their lives moulding in poverty in USA.

In all this drama,from childhood to a state of being a refugee Amir has found an excellent friend in his baba's business partner.

After years,as they fled one fine day when Amir receives a call from his childhood confidante of him being on the death bed and giving him a chance to do the right thing.

Further is the story of how Amir comes back to his state of refuge, Pakistan and makes amends with the past of his cowardice.

At the end he chases a kite. Like he was meant to do so many years back.

 

 

 

A Married Nightstand

She looked from behind the glittery curtains as her mother danced to the beats of dholak. Samira,was warned by her mother not to enter the living room while entertained. However her curiosity could not keep her out of the place. Just as she looked,her mother caught her eye and made a gesture to get out of there. She no matter how much loved her mother she knew the chances of being battered were pretty high if she didn't run back to bed.Scared and oblivious to her surrounding,she ran back to her room for it was late night and her mother's gesture had scared her to her soul.

In the morning the house, nevertheless a building with so many rooms and so many halls with rhinestones and pearl curtains was so much quieter, silence that almost seemed deadly. All the chaos and clatter and shouting and abusing all engulfed by the quiet. Samira woke up early today. She obviously couldn't sleep her mother's angry eyes wouldn't let her. Early in the morning when she moved in the halls swaying all those cluttering things that were everywhere.

 

 

Her mother's room was big,cheap fabric curtains that surrounded the bed and she was still asleep from the late night work. Samira slipped in her mother's bed and hugged her as she whispered,"sorry ammu",in her mother's ear. Ammu would playfully slap her and hug her. And they would sleep quietly till the shuttle and clatter of the Kamala Rani's brothel began again, as now it was not their mom but their kids. All the commotion would just come to life and another day at Kamala Rani's would start right away.

Mornings were mostly about crying and cringing children, some of them going to school, some babies crying to be fed,as the night would lead them far from their mother. And some elder one's helping their mother's,studying for a better life, working to earn their living. Suddenly a place quiet like dear would start the churning of live with the dawn.
Well Samira , she was 18, petite, young beautiful and an adorable only child of her mother. She was her mother's only hope to get out of the quicksand of evil,she entered tears ago in her youth,her poverty and a family to support had made her to join this brothel. However she was just disowned by her family and kamala rani's became her home. For Samira she had imagined a life of better living,and a respectable job to earn her living. She would send her to all the next schools,keep her away from her clients.

 

 

Samira,on the other hand was a bright student,focused and good at what she did. She had gotten a scholarship in her school,academic achiever,sports prodigy, what ammu was not, she had it in her. She had however managed to score a scholarship to the prestigious St. Lawrence law school,on her line to become a lawyer. Of all the feathers in her hat,one that didn't go unnoticed was her beauty. Anyone who saw her would to admire her, would crave to have her. Even if it was for a night. Ammu had received numerous proposals for Samira to bedded, for a handsome amount, some would ask to settle her up in an apartment as a mistress,and also a couple of marriage proposals.

Ammu, had somehow known her daughter too well,and also known the business too well to let her beloved be absorbed in the vicious cycle,she had once been engulfed in. She realized her hopes, ambitions and aspirations to let go of her.

St.Lawrence was a prestigious law college in whole of the region. Her classes were set up. She made friends quickly,and even faster did they leave her in the trenches, for the background she came from made her secluded. But only one out of hundreds, Raj, as cheesy it may sound helped her get adjusted,befriended her inspite of knowing her background . They had come close as the months passed. They had fallen in love. At least samira had after seeing his concern for her, even after knowing about her background. She had fallen for him quick, his heart melting," its only you who matter to me", words would force her to clench her heart and give it to him.

It would have been and ideal damsel in distress saved by the knight in shining armour story in some other time, in some other phase, well this, this was the real world, real time. Real Life.

Raj made it seem all so good with all the rosy picture he would paint for their future, after their law college. And she would just smile at her good fate, what had it led her to. She was falling for him every minute of the day, ammu had known about this and warned her to be careful,as she was well aware of the deceitful ways of the world. Ammu had known about raj's persistent indications of getting intimate with Samira,but Samira avoided all the thoughts and always find a way to fall for his sweet self.

One day out of the blue, raj had popped out a tiffany box and asked Samira to marry him. She who had fallen for him accepted in a blink and they married in a small temple,knowing ammu wouldn't approve and so will Raj's parents after knowing her background. Well, as they say, some black marks couldn't even be covered by the Sun.Samira and raj both had informed their family of being out that night for a group study at a friend's place. The just married couple than went for their first night to a nearby hotel, on an isolated road.

The room was almost slightly bigger than a dingy,with a bed with a fancy  but cheap bed spread, Samira frowned at that, and so did Raj, on seeing her reaction.  " It was all I could do with my left pocket money", he said sadly. Samira however smiled and hugged him. Followed by their night of passion with each other. With each passing moment she fell for him, and than tired with the flame of love they slept hugging each other in a sweet deep sleep.

It was just the break of morning when samira woke up, her face glowing with the passion she had felt last night. She didn't see raj by her side, wondering he must have gone to the washroom. Her face paled ,something inside her died and her dignity striped when she saw a wad of cash placed on her night stand.

 

 

The known: Unknown

It was just another pouring day of july. It had been days since the  rains began, and showed no signs of stopping. But to Ayshi Mehra it just was another reason that made her run for the hills since she joined the med school. Just a fresher she was and for the past two months away from home,she had come to despise her place of study. 
As for today, she was running late for the anatomy lecture. On purpose to try to get out of the smell flesh rotting in formaline. However she collected all her strength to get pass this day,another day.

CUT TO COLLEGE CANTEEN

A group of 15 students gathered around a table singing A Happy Birthday song in chorus, as Samyak cut the cake. As made his way through is friends feeding him cake, all of them attacked him with a burst of powder colour. Samyak Mehta, student council president, Teacher's pet, An A-student was a student in second-due.

CUT TO SOME CORRIDOR

After all the shenanigans in the canteen, samyak was left alone with some of his room mates to wash all the colour attack evidence off his face.
Just as he was rinsing the colour off ,Ayshi with some of her girlfriend happened to pass the corridor, just when samyak's friends summoned them.
"Hey three of you",said one of them, " Are you all freshers?" he asked enquiringly.
"Yes",replied ayshi as they walked away smiling slightly looking at someone who rinsing his face.
Just as she realized it was samyak. The Samyak Mehta! And with each splash of water that struck his face rinsing off the colour powder made her fall for him,over and over again.
Even dressed in a plane button down navy blue shirt and a jeans too worn out and some hideous green flip flops, Samyak was the anchor she realized would keep her grounded in the world she had come to despise.


Even samyak couldn't ignore ayshi dressed in a white kurta with pink trimmings and pink chudidaar along with her studded hot pink footwear, her slender body and curly short hair made her stand out. Looking at her he felt something so little in the depth of his heart. Little but still something,that would show in his slightly curved lips as he smiled.

CUT TO SAMYAK'S RESIDENCE

At night when samyak sat in his room, glaring over a textbook of medicine, something at the back of his mind wouldn't let him do so. It was her that came again and again to him, the way she laughed as she strolled by in the corridor with her friends. She wouldn't get off his mind. And it was something that Mr. Student council president had never felt, some alien feeling that had grown since that encounter in the morning.

CUT TO GIRLS HOSTEL

Ayshi too lay in her bed, she couldn't read ofcourse! She had hated her MBBS! And today she found how would she could survive in this world. Just when one of her roommates asked her excitedly,
"Hey, do you know? Who was Mr.Hot this morning in the corridor?".
Ayshi decided to keep quiet as if anything she would say was just expressing her feeling about him.
"Oooh, the one who was washing his face huh? That one?" another girl chimed in. "He is our council president Samyak mehta" she said cheerfully.
Just as she said it, ayshi blushed inside. Knowing what unknown alleys she would be walking if she walked towards him.

NEXT DAY

Next day,the pouring had somehow stopped.Samyak would be found in canteen at the break hour after they were done with their term rotations, Just when ayshi finished of with her awful physiology lectures.

She was just hanging out with her friends in the far left corner of the canteen. And samyak was seated in front working on his pathology journals surrounded by a group of friends, screaming and shouting in the hustle bustle of the canteen atmosphere.

After a couple of minutes when he realized, ayshi was in the same permise, he couldn't stop himself glancing her way, just to find out her staring back at him, when their eyes met and H&E pencil fell off his hand. She had intimidated him enough to go talk to her.

Which was the next thing as he found himself walking to her table to introduce himself.
At the same time ayshi's heart was pounding in her chest, so hard that it would come right out of her! Enough was the embarrassment of her tachycardia! When she saw him leap to his feet, and walking his way to their table. Was it for real? She kept wondering, till he reached their table and greeted her warmly grinning from ear to ear.

She was awestruck! He looked even more handsome without colour powder on his face, but she was dumbfounded as to what for was he here? She too greeted him with respect mandatory for a senior.He just chatted to them for a while. She still holding up herself seeming as calm as possible,and his heart fluttering like a bird caged in his own chest!

Day after day conversation became long, both of them were like twins joined at hip, inseparable and together invincible and as they were labelled "Picture perfect".

CUT TO PRESENT DAY

Today was his last day of internship and she had just admitted in her final year. They had promised to keep in touch. In their history of 2 years, they had fought and patched up, danced and cried all bye each others side, all together amd hand in hand. And today it might just end abruptly. It might be their end.
Samyak had asked her to meet her at the canteen where it all began by the end of the day, where a farwell party was in progress. Samyak as well as all the batch mates were to be there. And for Ayshi, it didn't end here, may be tonight,she didn't know.

FAREWELL NIGHT

The disco themed party was in progress. Samyak and his friends had arrived already. He donned a   black tuxedo,with thin lapels and a corsage at the suit collar, waiting for Ayshi, she had come up with some last minute presentation so she would arrive later.
Later, as party progressed ayshi came in wearing an adorable white fitted gown,her hair pulled up in a bun making her her radiant face glow even more under the light reflected by the disco ball. Smayak awstruck look at his beautiful ayshi. As she looked and smiled to him wearing a corsage on her wrist that matched his.
As both of them met at the centre of the dance floor, and DJ played a soothing romantic song in the background. The floor cleared as both of them came together.
As she laughed her adorable laughter looking at her samyak, He got down on one knee pulling a ring out in a little tiffany box , as his face shone brightly.
"Will you grow old with me?", he mouthed.
Just when he said it, her hands drew to her mouth open wide! As she was shocked to a surprise as the chorus began to sing the same song DJ had played. She wanted to jump up and down like a kid as she said, " Ofcourse Mr. Student president" enthusiastically.

A Birthday Gift

She held the door knob,and smiled at herself,
Her expectations had shattered
When she entered the room
Her black khol smudged slowly,
As she enetered the room......

She felt empty, as she flew into nothingness..
Pieces of her heart and soul now drenched in blood,
Rested on the floor, cold as winter
And her only world..
Together MOVED AND STOPPED....!!!
She was horrified.
The gift in her hands crashed to the ground..

When she saw her daughter hanging from the ceiling....
She was still. It was Midnight.


Some Plot.

PLOT: Across the Indo-Pak border.

Name: Amir Mohammed
Age:25years

Occupation: Jihaad

Somewhere in the foothills of Himalayas,in a village that was hardly on any maps of the world. In a big central tent in the colonies of hundreds of little dingies, sat the heads of their religion. Planning a sacrifice of their heads for their God. A sacrifice of heads that would  please Their God.

Amir just another trainee in the army of thousands. Just another victim of poverty. Just another son, another husband, another father working to feed 10 mouths that depended on him. He was a soldier in a the plan of his superiors he never met. Never saw.

PLOT:  International waters.

Name: Lieutenant Rahul vijay

Age: 23years

Occupation: Marine

Stationed in some part of the arabian sea,guarding the indian boundary . Positioned at the outskirts his job was to run the ships. Another sepoy in the indian army, joined marines third in line of the family army officers,after his father and elder brother.

Fighting for his country? was he? No. Following a family tradition, that came with no exception rule. To him it was a job that made his father Brigadier Karan Vijay, an objective of being proud.


PLOT: Present day. The encounter.

Plan of sacrifice was in action. Amir with 25 other men had been mounted on a ship to india. With a big prize money waiting home, after this mission they would not hav to work for their heads. They could live with their loved ones, after all this. An after which they had hoped to be soon....

Rahul was on a round on the front deck, when an unidentified water vessel came into notice. They had sent their security boat to interrogate the passengers. The vessel pulled in to the mother ship, all the boarders brought to the captain.

Once the interrogation began it lasted for a couple of days after which all the anonymous boarders were arrested. After arrest began the violent brash between the two commanding teams.
The anons began fighting with all the killer weapons they brought with them. Killing almost everyone on the mother ship, except a few commanders including lieutenant vijay.

Lieutenant had used all his wits in to fight. To save himself. His colleagues. When all the wits and tactics came to end, he found himself propped on the railing of the star deck,still holding on to his gun, his pride.

Just as when he was about to fall of the railing a hand clutched his arm. He hung arm, holding his weapon,just when he looked up at a terrorist holding his arm, preventing him to fall off.
"Drop your guns, I an here to help you", said the terrorist to the marine.


Boundaries were united. Humanity had lived.

Further.

FURTHER.

Anjali. Born to an anemic mother. First breath hours after she was born. Doctors called her a special child then. Cerebral palsy it had been. What further? The war that her specialness had forced her to fight against herself.

Entered the clinics clung to her mother's chest,squinting eyes, teeth showing through her partially open mouth, little she looked on her father's shoulder,as she perched looking. She was 5, still special. Fighting, a war uncalled.

Blowing those spit bubbles she looked wide-eyed. As the white coats passed her. She could have been them. But her specialness wouldn't bow down.

Placing her on one of the special mats,her special mats. Her head angled to one side unable to hold it self,her specialness. Limbs refusing to straighten,they had been fighting too.

She laughed,or tried to through her partial mouth as they flexed her elbows,and wailed when stretched. With her mother holding on to a rattle like an army commander for their king.

Day after day,she came and went. Coats changed. People changed. But what further? Is the question she asks her commander. When will the war be put to end.

What will be her further?

KOHL SMUDGED EYES.

Once upon a time... Like it always begins in fairy tales, an adorable princess meeting her prince charming riding a white horse sweeping princess off her feet with a promise of love of ,their happily ever after.

For Ananya it was Arjun in a white skoda,childhood friends, highschool sweethearts. On her door as she dressed in a red attire waited for his gorgeous prince charming to take her away in, their happily ever after. Even less did she knew that it came with an expire date. Yes it did.

What began with cute text messages as friends,extended to late night calls, indiscrminate support, to a helpline 24*7, to the engagement ring he gave her on the very special day of her birthday, which was now bound to their marriage... All of this came with an expire date.And it did begin on the very next day of their wedding. Ananya treated like a priced gift of god once, was now a taken for granted wife. She who was once his elixir of life, was now Mrs. Arjun Singh. An identity that was her only individuality was lost to him. As they say 'its all good in the beginning '. The matters with passing times got worse,as its effect of beginners luck wore off.

For Arjun it was his wives duty to wait after him,to clean after his mess,to be after him in everything he did. She had tried her best,doing what was asked at the tiniest details,but than the date was nearing,the luck ,the love,the bond tested as the time passed. It was hard for ananya ,to keep up with his whims,to lives on his desire,on his code of conduct he had crafted for her. He became peculiar,choosy,moody and she began to fall behind on his wishes,on his protocol for his ideal wife. And with time increased Arjun's insensitivity to his sweetheart Ananya, and Mrs. Singh's faults highlighted even more. Leading to petty arguments turning to fights and daily riots.

It was only during this phase did Ananya realized the weakeing bonds,wearing out love,luck,everything,their happily ever after. And a strong blow to her meagrely holding relationship came when one night during an argument he put his hand on her. Embarking a red mark on her face,with force enough to throw her feeble self in the corner of a room. That night ended there. But other coming nights didn't.Night after night ,as he came from work finding faults with her protocol, he would hit her. Hit her with anything that came his way,utensils,clothing,ropes... And what not. She would fight a fruitless battle against her love,her prince charming who had swept her off her feet,to a happily ever after that was their own to call.

With these atrocities ended their term in paradise, the expire date arrived 5yrs after repeated nights of unhumane 'protocol'. She had finally gathered her strength to leave the house, Mrs. Singh had left,it had left the night he first laid his hand on her. Only her body,her mortal self now,with her material belonging left, Arjun to house which was just plane and bare and ripped off of its identity. He now longed to wipe the tears off her kohl smudged eyes.

SILENCE WAS NEVER THE ANSWER.

The Handsome One

In the pursuit of a research program I happened to visit a private clinic, as my research was supposed to be concerning women going through what I feel to be the most beautiful stage of life.. Pregnancy.I was meant to be meeting a senior gynecologist, so as usual I was asked to be in the waiting area.

The waiting room painted in white was a small cozy room with black seating chairs. In one corner of the room were a couple, a fierce looking man, donning a white kurta, long moustaches and his wife small and fragile,looking more than her age. There was something about him that had shown a red signal about his ways, you know when you look at some person.
In the centre row of the chairs were a couple too.. Male companion being tall, well dressed and the female also belonged to a posher section of the society. I had happened to take a seat behind the *right out of magazine* couple. And heard something I wasn't meant to hear.
"I do not want this",said the wife pleading.

"You have to be doing this, I cannot be doing this and giving up on everything else",the husband said clutching her hand tightly.

"But I want my baby to live",tears rolled down her eyes.

But he wouldn't stop nagging her, finally making her to move in to a room, as the receptionist announced there appointment.

I sat there in that waiting room still waiting, when the other couple came out of the clinical room, with the wife weeping and hailing, I had known all along that this fierce man is really not worth trusting.
Now it was my turn to meet doctor as I was being escorted by the receptionist to his room,in the way i passed the man,who held his wife by her arm and dragged her out of the clinic.
After discussing about all the research, I enquired about the couple I had dreaded the most.
"You see dear", the doctor said,"the couple who had left just now is from a very reputed in a village near by, and the husband is the last heir of there family,in order to continue his race, he has to have a male child to continue the dynasty".

Hearing this I knew what wrong had he done to his wife,but the further parts of conversation changed my perspective.

" This is his second marriage", the doctor said peering at me," hoping for a male child,he married the second time because of the family pressure",he sighed.

" But now again,the history is being repeated,to stop all the members of community to force him int remarriage ,he met with me to get his vasectomy done, so he becomes the one to be blamed, for what they say,is stopping the dynastic heritage".

Hearing this turned all the red signals to green, I mean for whatever it is worth, for he is willing to rebel against the community all he commended was respect from me.
That man donning a white kurta fierce looking, weeping wife, had just become the most -Handsome Man I would ever meet

source: www.pinterest.com

The Door Knob.

It begins with a story of a little girl Mia,5 of age,lost her mother to a terrible car accident. Her only hope, her only hero, her everything in her whole wide little world... Her father. She had faced her mother's death with a courage that made the sorrow cry in the face of death.
She now 6 years old was now someone who was never her. Her chirpy childish self was lost in a gloomy girl who always cried herself to sleep,somebody that nobody could ever imagine of... She was scared of nothing but THE TURNING DOOR KNOB.
It began a month or two after her mother died. She would pretend to be dead by holding her breath, by keeping very very still, the moment she heard the door knob turn, she'd be caught of a fear so unkown so unsecure and so very cruel.
The knob turned and her father entered, he would bring her gifts of sorts. Expensive,plush,newest everything that a child of her age would die to have.. BUT, a big but as it always has cuts the path to everything good.
She didn't want all those gifts she was bought,because her father would make her thank him for everything he did for her. Her hero,her everything in her whole wide little world...
She would not know what it was, but it didn't seem right and it hurt her.. It always had. It always would. As she stared at the ceiling all the time her father was there it made her cut off from the world,her world.
She resesnted it,it had hurt her. Night after night. It had made her hate herself,her hero,her life and moreover That Door Knob which even though how much she wanted not to turn,but it did. The Door Knob Turned.

Source: www.rebelcircus.com

Sometimes...

Sometimes we see the world for what it is not,
We see it black or white,
Sometimes you choose to fall for love,
The other times it falls for you,defeats you,
Sometimes you want for yourself to be on the top of both the worlds,
And sometimes you just see yourself lag,
Sometimes you would want to sacrifice your being to hold your pride high,
Sometimes the sands of deserts Slip like tricky time,
Sometimes you struggle in the race against all odds,
Othertimes you see the feeling of a winner buds,
Sometimes And ONLY sometimes it feels you are lost in this world of black and white,
At other times you choose the rosy glasses that make it all red,
But Everytime we forget that that picture of perfect black and white,
Which with the passing time has blurred its lines,Has blurred its all meanings,
Has now become the world itself..
Which always HAS BEEN..
Which always IS...
Which always WILL BE...
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY.............