That last moment

You told me, you were leaving me over lunch. Well, to be precise over a plate full of your favourite pizza, with your choice of toppings, french fries and iced tea in a tall iced glass.

 

Could it possibly get more insipid? It was a nice day too. And for something to do, I looked at my plate. The olives were sitting over the pesto like little ladies on green garden grass.

 

I could almost hear them gossiping.I almost laughed. I almost cried. I almost threw my half of the money on the table and left. Like one of those dramatic, deranged heroines in movies, made by the little man in big,bug glasses.

 

And then I thought. What? Is this it? Is this going to be our last moment? Sitting in a restaurant amidst insane people, eating food priced too high?

 

I have an insatiable appetite for last moments. I like to plan them, cherish them and make them into memories .

 

Big,beautiful grandiose. Melancholy full of pathos. Leaving of lovers, parting of friends, it must all go perfectly.

 

Its not a recommended way of doing things frankly.But if you have ever missed out on a last moment, one that you can never have back, that you have no memory of, you'll probably feel this hunger clawing at you too.

 

That it will be an only moment when the feeling of how it ever felt will be the last? That last kiss,last time you didn't let go holding hands,last touch, last time you will ever stare into each others eyes, that last time you will ever remember how his eyes changed colours with the sun, last time when affection had failed to travel easy distance between our eyes.

 

And then will you probably understand why that over priced lunch, on that wonderful day.. Looked so bland... And that hunger will come clawing at you..

 

A Promise.. Continued...

Aaskha, apple of father's eye, mother's parting gift. She was what they said incarnation of an angel from heaven. Grounded, well-mannered, and that unknown charm that her father said was most definitely from her mother's genetic pool.

 

She was Akash's only ray of hope when his better half had left him for a better abode on the flip side of our world. He was with Aaskha from her first social smile to her first steps, through her potty training to school dramas. All the way to her graduation.

He had given her himself in a fully dedicated manner as a mother and a father. But that had to have come at price. A price of losing his own identity. His career had seen the downside, bussiness going hay wire. Ended with them completely broke by the time Aaskha had graduated as a lawyer.

From what aaskha had known her father was an open book. For she had known about the dwindling business, scarce cash and hard to pay tuitions and shifting and moving to new homes they made wherever they went. He was her rock as she was his, in a world they had longed to be loved by.

But locked in the high walls of Akash's heart was secret. A secret made so long back that in the maze of his love for his daughter it was lost and lost were the all the means to get through the padlocked doors that hid the promise all along.

One day after going through weeks of torment and tight cash, aaskha had finally found a job in a law firm, pay was meagre but kept them to thrive a little better for now. That's what they hoped, while akash still job hunted only to return defeated at the end ot the day.

He was back to the dusty noons and harder times of struggle only he missed was the play of eyes all noon with background mumbles and how he was pretty much incapable of the promise buried long back in the secret vault of his own heart.

Years had gone by, things slightly started to look up.. Aaskha was 25,hard-working and in line to enter the administrative know how of the law firm she'd been working 5 years.

Aaskha had bought a little apartment just close to her office, nothing fancy just a small 2-BHK but a heaven altogether from what they've been living in the past. Her father was happy would've been an understatement of the century!! He was ecstatic,joyous, on cloud nine of pride,highest a father could ever reach.Only the best was yet to come his way.

One late night when aaskha returned home burning the night oil for a presentation next morning, she had found her father asleep on the living room sofa, mumbling to himself. "I wish I could be a better father,Tara"he said with an indecipherable mumble."I had wanted for you to see the oceans, all seven of them from the best possible view. I really wanted,only if I could do better, I wished to be good enough for you." Another round of mumble.

He had broken the walls and the secret was out in the open. Aaskha had heard it. She knew what her father had regretted all his life. The secret that had been spilled was now her own to be filled and cherished and regret to be put down the drain.

A month had passed by since the day of sleep full mumbles and one morning daughter declared that they had to be going to the United states for an annual conference of the firm.

Akash had hated to tag along but, aaskha's stubbornness came from her mother,well getting to the point he would never get past it once she decided.

Ten days after the announcement, they had boarded a flight to U.S.. Only it was a hopping flight via Australia and last second stoppage at Paris to reach its destination.

Only once flight took off, and they flew over the vast expanse of the indian ocean, Aaskha whispered in her father's ear, "One".He knew what she was talking about. He knew,that she had known all along. Only he didn't know was 'HOW?'. And than aaskha had told him about the nights of mumbles and sleepful regrets.

 

Did I say that he was on cloud nine, when they bought an apartment?? Well listening to his daughter explain about the night he was literally stepping on cloud 50,000 feet above ground level and he could still be going higher in what in ecstasy could take him.

 They met their count of 7. Speeding through in plane, giving the best of views. Landing in the final destination, he had fulfilled his once done promise to Tara. He had seen all 7 of them with his daughter's eyes, which he sweared on his own life were exactly like his wife's.

A promised fulfilled, a lifetime lived and now no padlock could tie those feelings behind the walls of a secret vault.

"Life couldn't be any fairer,it could only be fairer than death", Akash breathed his last whispering to his daughter at the airport checkout.

A Promise.

Sat across from each other. Separated by the barrier of gender two soul mates eyed each other with little puppy love that had perpetuated between them as they played notoriously around the village all noon long.

 

 

In the background teacher murmured about some foreign land, situated way beyond the gigantic expanse of the of bluest ocean. The land with soil so bright, water as sweet as nectar and food of varieties they never wondered about. The land with people of the kindest souls preaching only of love.

 

 

While the play of eyes continued Akash couldn't resist himself of all that the foreign land had to offer beyond all those oceans and thousands of miles away. He had promised himself he would give his Tara all of that one day. Someday.

 

For some world might not be a wish granting factory, for Akash it definitely was working. He had it all. Tara, wealth, success all he could ask for and more.

 

 

Not long after both of them were married Tara had given him the "good news". He was on the top of the world. Happiness unbounded by any barriers nothing could now stop him. Not one thing.

 

 

Except that during the birthing procedure Tara had complications which were manageable as per doctors. But, she could never make it, and died after she had birthed a baby girl.

 

 

It was the barrier that had left Akash broken and shattered and a beautiful baby girl that was theirs and a promise that he had made to himself to give to Tara when they had been playing their game of eyes in the dusty school of the village.

 

 

A promise of seven seas........... And beyond

 

TO BE CONTINUED......

Sin Of Solitude.

Beginning,to begin with the time when the time had just began. When a small mass of globular high energy molecules had become to much of its solitude. When it had to burst somewhere. Burst to give life to the beginning of the time. To the time, when time had just got to began.

 

Some might find it almost scientific,true to its form. Almost that it had all begun with a bang. But has anyone ever considered for it to be an energy that was being constituted even before the time was born? Do we? Should we?. Or was I some at the spurt of the moment "big bang".

 

Solitude has been present even before time has had a chance to cry its first cry. And it will be till the end of time. Its how we have evolved from being a single cell unit to the invincible machine man.

 

For some solitude is addictive. Needing a kick more stronger than the previous,no matter how high the dosage. They travel roads unknown,lands unseen,oceans so deep only for another kick of this narcotic which is undetectable with even thousands of forensic test. For others its a phase of life. An aura of trance. A happy place to be. Where no reality strikes. Where happy or comfortable are the same. Where withdrawal is almost life changing,threatening even.

 

Lets just take a minute to ask ourselves everyday, if we are really happy or just addicted to the comfort solitude has promised us of?

 

Longing To Be.

Sana had longed to live. Her longing to be alive had crept into her when she had been a toddler,when she had bade farewell to her father travelling off to another camp. To another mission,to be alive,for his country.

 

She would have to put off those thoughts when she told her mother about her wishes go travel off to some distant land, who in turn told her, what her father did was a man's job and no woman would dream of doing that.

 

 Well, it was 1988 what more would explain her mother's opinion on her daughter's whimsical dreams of travelling to any distant land like her father.

 

However in 1995,tables had turn. Sana married off to another military official had a beautiful,cute as button daughter as a widow after her husband had been killed in an secret mission in the deserts of Rajasthan.

 

Her longing to live as whimsical dream has still not lost its fire. At an age of 49 she had for the first time lived as her daughter enrolled in for the service of army.

 

Times and eras hence,she didn't long to live. Not now.

 

 

Eye Of The Prism

 

"When would be the right time to flee?"

With a never fearing conviction,asked she.

"Whatever it might be",answered he,

"as long as we are WE".

With a new youth and soul full of exuberance,

That marked their private state of trance,

With them being seen in an aura of passion,

The world,in all its sadism didn't fill up in compassion.

"It has to be ended", screamed the heads of this sadism.

All the lovers could do was liberate their souls of themselves.

For the light the liberated still colours the world,

With the eye of the prism.

 

Review: Kite runner

Well. As they say, "Books are one's best friend". Believe it or not they are. And they will be.

I was just watching a show on the idiot box were I came across a really beautiful poem recited and written by, the very well known ,Gulzar shahab.

And one of its beautiful lines has prompted me to write a review such as this one,for one of the book that I have had come across recently.

Title: Kite Runner

Author: Khaled hosseini

Kite runner is a story of war stricken Afghanistan. And how it has changed the life of two children. Amir and Hassan,former a son of a very élite and respectable man in his country popularly known as Mr. Hurricane and latter a son of a lower caste servant who has been serving Amir's family from the generation of his grandfather.

There are lots of twist and turns as Amir and Hassan's relationship as more like brothers changes to mere acquaintances to a point where they don't even see other for years altogether.

This is where the on going war in the country changes all the social taboos where Amir and his father flee the state to a more peaceful environment.They found their lives moulding in poverty in USA.

In all this drama,from childhood to a state of being a refugee Amir has found an excellent friend in his baba's business partner.

After years,as they fled one fine day when Amir receives a call from his childhood confidante of him being on the death bed and giving him a chance to do the right thing.

Further is the story of how Amir comes back to his state of refuge, Pakistan and makes amends with the past of his cowardice.

At the end he chases a kite. Like he was meant to do so many years back.